Feature Friday: Love, Infatuation, . . . and Twilight

Ugh, I just can't stand the Twilight series.  There are a number of reasons why.  First, I'm not a teenage girl, so I am not attracted to Edward or Jacob.  Second, I am not a teenage girl, so I am old enough to know that vampires kill people and burn in the sunlight. . . not twinkle.  Third, and this one is important, I am not a teenage girl, so I know the difference between infatuation and love.  Do you know the difference?  Let me explain just a few of the differences and try, with my limited knowledge of Twilight, to connect the dots.



 Infatuation Comes on Strong and Fizzles, Love Grows Slowly over Time


In the first Twilight movie, Edward falls for Bella the moment he sees her and smells her.  Boom.  He is sold.  He is into this girl.  Why?  Is it because he knows anything about her?  Nope.  Her blood smells good.  Bella does the same.  She sees how cute Edward is and looks into his dreamy (supernaturally compelling) eyes and can't get him out of her head.  They have fallen head over heels with one another in an instant.  That is infatuation.  Infatuation is all about instant attraction.

Now, let's get out of Twilight-land and come back to reality.  Infatuation doesn't last.  Infatuation fades away quickly because it is built on shallow stuff.  Its built on looks, smell, first impressions, physical attraction, and nothing more.  What about love?


Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.  -- Song of Solomon 2:7

The Bible warns us, especially you ladies, not to stir your heart up with love and emotions too quickly.  Don't give your heart away to somebody at the first moment of infatuation.  Love grows slowly, don't be fooled by the deception of infatuation.

I love my wife.  I knew Christy for about four years before we started dating.  Had I ever seen pretty girls before I met her?  You bet.  Were there any girls I had crushes on before I met her?  Absolutely.  While I was dating Christy, did I meet other girls who were pretty?  Yes.  Now that we are married, have I met attractive women?  Absolutely.  Does that shock you?  Tons of people look pretty.  Plenty of people smell nice.  Lots of people make good first impressions.  Here is a better question: Have I ever fallen for or given my heart and love to anyone else?  No.  Listen, there are tons of people out there who are physically appealing.    If you let infatuation drive you to give your heart away over these shallow kinds of things, then you are in for a roller coaster ride of relationship after relationship.  But if you wait patiently for God to develop love in you for someone over time, you'll have a relationship that doesn't sway every time another nice person walks by.  Infatuation comes on strong and fizzles, but love grows slowly over time.

Infatuation Ignores Danger, Love Seeks Character 

Do you remember the scene in the woods when Bella first confronts Edward about him being a vampire?  Edward knows that he has an almost uncontrollable desire to murder Bella and drink her blood.  He even tells her this.  Her response?  I don't care.  Edward tells her that he has murdered people before.  She tells him that doesn't matter!  For real?  That's infatuation.

Infatuation thinks that true love means you follow your feelings for someone even if that someone is a terrible person.  This is why so many girls end up with guys who treat them terribly, are lazy, are always in trouble, do drugs, hit them, and more.  It's because infatuation thinks that ignoring serious and major flaws is what true love would do.  Infatuation leaves you convinced by all of the shallow things, like looks, smell, dress, and first impressions.  So, clearly, none of the important things, like loving God and not being a wife-beater, matter at all.  What about love?


A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.-- Proverbs 31:10


Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.-- Proverbs 31:30

Love looks beyond the shallow stuff and is searching for a person of godly character.  Love does care if the person doesn't follow Jesus.  Love does care if the person steals from people.  Love does care if the person can't control their temper or their gossip.  Remember, you are looking for a person who will help your walk with God, who will make a good spouse, and who will make a good mother or father someday.

When I first met Christy, I thought she was very pretty.  And nothing came of that.  I didn't go chase after her because of her looks.  I didn't nurse a crush for years.  But as life went on, we became friends.  We did ministry together.  We went to the same church.  And as time went on, I got to see what kind of woman she was.  I got to see how she prayed.  I got to see how she treated people, even people that treated her badly.  I got to see her character.  And that's when I knew she was a woman I wanted to date.  Infatuation ignores danger signs, but love seeks character.

Infatuation Is All that Matters, Love Knows its Place

I've only heard that this happens from other people, but apparently at some point in the story Bella loses Edward or gets separated from him or something.  I'm told that she responds by curling up in the fetal position and going into a deep depression for a long time.  Whether or not that actually happens in the story, that is what infatuation does.  Infatuation tells you that being with the other person is the reason you are alive.  Without them, life is not worth living!  Infatuation can't handle being apart from them and grows jealous and even crazy at the slightest hint of them leaving.  What about love? 


"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"   Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'   This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  -- Matthew 22:36-39

Love puts God first and foremost.  Loving others, including you boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse must always come second to loving God!  Over and over the Bible calls God our Rock.  That's because He is the foundation we need to build our life upon.  In fact, Jesus says this loud and clear in Matthew 7 when He compares following Him to building our lives on a firm foundation, whereas not following Him is like building our lives on shifting sand.

If I lost Christy, I would be hurt.  But I would not have lost everything.  I don't live my life for Christy.  I live it for Jesus.  He is my reason for living and I would still have Him with or without my wife.  So if Christy and I are having a disagreement, my life doesn't fall apart because my life stands on the rock of Jesus.  Infatuation is all that matters, but love knows its place.

So...

The way I see it, the Twilight movies are preaching a sermon about romance and dating.  They are teaching our kids that infatuation is good and it leads to a happy and fun life.  This message is even in the new movie's theme song It Will Rain by Bruno Mars (just look at the lyrics and you'll see it).  Twilight is distorting many important facets of real and biblical love.  I'm not saying you can't watch them.  They are probably entertaining for a lot of people.  But you need to be able to discern the lessons this movie is shouting to you and realize that this is not what love really looks like.  

Take a minute to check your own heart.  Are you in a relationship or dreaming of one someday?  Are you falling in line more with infatuation or love?  How can you change your heart to love as God tells us to?